Ancient History Yikes! You're looking at a very old page. Vintage 1999, in case you were curious. If you're interested in seeing some classic Axiom, the original page is presented below. Once you're ready to return to the present, here's some links for ya. Axiom -- Check out what Axiom looks like today. Helper Monkey Records -- Hey, We started a record label! Free MP3s, etc. GameGal.com -- Like girls? Like videogames? Like girls who play videogames?

NOTE: Not seeing this article in a correctly sized pop-up window? Click here to return to the main Axiom page. by The Bootleg Pirate Argh, matey's! 'Tis I, The Bootleg Pirate, here to give ye the skinny on the latest bootleg movies I've come across in my travels. Ok, this pirate thing just isn't cutting it. Let's get back to reality, shall we? Here in our first installment of the Bootleg Report, we're going to review currently hot bootleg movies, both in terms of content and quality. Most bootlegs of a particular film come from the same source, so if we say a bootleg looks great, or is unwatchable, you're likely to find the same version on your local streetcorner. The Phantom Menace We were very excited to find, after a week or two of looking, a pirated copy of Star Wars: Episode 1. News reports had indicated that a print of the film, canisters and all, had been stolen sometime soon after the film's release, and there was high hope that this would be a good quality bootleg. Found on the corner of Houston and Broadway, a quick fiver grabbed us a copy of this tape, fake shrink-wrapped in a box taken from a theatrical movie poster. It was the only film this street vendor had for sale, his other wares being a bunch of pirated Ricky Martin CDs. That should have been our first hint that things were not going to go well. Bootleg buying is a risky game at best. Some tapes are studio screeners, some are done in the old-fashioned camcorder-in-the-movie-theater way. This tape seemed to be from an actual print, but it might as well have been sketched out with dull crayons for all we saw. Running the tape through two different four-head stereo VCRs produced similar results. The picture only appeared for a few jumpy seconds at a time. For the most part, the VCRs were unable to read the poor signal and all we got was the default blue screen. On the bright side, we found Jar Jar to be far less annoying this time around. Although we could still sense Jake Lloyd's wooden acting right through the plastic cassette. We rate this bootleg completely unwatchable. Avoid it at all costs. Army of Darkness: Alternate Version Sam Raimi's classic shows us exactly what a genius this director was before dulling his instincts with the Hercules/Xena juggernaut. And besides, when was the last time you actually saw Bruce Campbell lead a movie? All the classic lines are in this version: "Hail to the king, baby," "That's what we call pillowtalk" and, of course, our all-time favorite, "The way I see it, right now you're in charge of two things, jack and shit. And jack just left town." Through shear repetition, and a little help form Duke Nukem, these catchphrases have moved far beyond their celluloid origins and into the public consciousness. This version features Japanese subtitles, and sadly, isn't letterboxed. The visual quality is good, but the sound levels are low. Essentially, this is the same as the official version, except for the inclusion of an alternate ending. Raimi filmed two ending for the film, and most viewers are probably familiar with the one where Ash ends up back at S Mart, working in housewares and fighting demons. The alternate ending explains a little more about how Ash was supposed to drink the magic potion and end up back in his time. We won't give away the alternate ending, but suffice it to say, much like the end of Evil Dead 2, it leaves the door wide open for sequels. We rate this bootleg a must-see. NOTE: Not seeing this article in a correctly sized pop-up window? Click here to return to the main Axiom page.